Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
