btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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