So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
