Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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