Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
