How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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