that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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