No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
