she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
