Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
