Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
