1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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