I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
