I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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