My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize