just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who died my cat blue again?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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