so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
