she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
