loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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