He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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