Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize