hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
