took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
