I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
