Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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