He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
