I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it because I queefed?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I would ride that face into the sunset
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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