I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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