I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
