she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
