Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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