We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
