hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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