I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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