If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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