I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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