Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
