I didn't shave. On purpose
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
