Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Damn victory sex feels great
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
