After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
