someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize