his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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