I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
