I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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