Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
