i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
