just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
