somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
