Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
