Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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