I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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