I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
