She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
