running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
