I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Cover your peen. We're going out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
