He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
