He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
