Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
