I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
