He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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