Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
