My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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