You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize