you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
