just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
