I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
