remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize