it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
